My boyfriend woke me up this morning at 6:30 to see if I wanted to go with him to his class…FUCK NO.
I dragged my ass out of bed at 8 to practice what I thought would be some serious tapas….FUCK NO.
I thought about working on my script Skylar Stiff…FUCK NO. I started the Skylar Stiff script four days after The Bhakti Boy shoot ended. I needed out of Daimon, Vinyl, Dean and Loud’s world…please give me another world to bite me teeth into. Don’t let me look at BB footage. Hide it away. Don’t show me anything. Store it deep in a hard drive, in a drawer, maybe I can forget that its there by asking Who is Skylar Stiff?…FUCK NO.
Almost three months have passed since we finished shooting. My plan was to start a new script and then once I needed a break from it I would start editing The Bhakti Boy…well…the time has come. Skylar Stiff needs some serious time away from my brain. That film needs to incubate…which means its time to begin editing…FUCK __________???
So I opened up the Bhakti Boy file and there it was 16 days of shooting all nice and tidy in files ready to be cut into and dropped into the sequence in any order my little brain rhythmically wants. What did I do?
I dropped a few tears. I really did. Its okay you can laugh at my pretty privileged ass.
How can I do this? I can’t do this? The black hole. The black hole that is going to leave my arms crippled, my hips stiff, put me into a world that looks like it will never end.
And then I calmed down. I started to look at a bit of the footage and god forbid see some acting.
So I guess I’m ready to start eating this mother fucker and enter into the black hole.